reality.

The world of reality is a cruel one. everyone should learn to depend on themselves, because nobody will be there forever and ever. forever and ever doesnt even exist. fairytales are just lies to bluff little kids. really feel like a selfish person ): last sunday, i was feeling moody, so i didnt want to go for my family dinner. i should have went, instead of putting my emotions first. i dont even know how many more times i'll get to eat with my grandma already. ): she went back indonesia today. because her maids' visa expired. so need to wait till its approved before she can come back. my dad told me, now whenever she sits down, she'll jus naturally close her eyes. its like her body is going to stop functioning soon or something. sigh. and i can still sit at home and feel all moody over unimportant stuffs. cant help feeling disgusted with myself. and its really true. that if i dont love myself, i wont know how to love another. so what rights do I have to want to be loved. sigh. i must cherish the people around, because I wont know when they'll disappear, just like that. without a single warning ): all sorts of shits. and i thought i'll be busy enough to stop me from thinking. new year resolutions - ultimate fail.